Let us begin by dispensing with the principal illusion that we all share, namely, that there is only one person to whom we can be irrevocably attacted in our lifespan.
This illusion is fueled by the notion that somehow mother nature is invested in our destiny as individuals. Indeed, evolution is concerned only with the survival of the species - regardless of how brutal this realization may seem to each of us as sentient and emotionally invested persons. Mother nature concerns herself only with the survival of the species and throws in climatological challenges from time to time to test the viability of her handiwork.
Research over 30 years indicates that couples 'find' one another based on neuropsychological dissimilarities (left hemispherically strong individuals are attracted to right hemispherically strong individuals) and pheromone (scent) signals are pathfinders to this union. Interpersonal conflicts are mandatory in such unions, but are irrelevant as they do not pertain to the physical and emotional welfare of the potential offspring of such a union. In short, the emotional satisfaction of the parental union is sacrificed to the welfare of their children.
Such conflict is intrinsic to the human condition as we are a social or tribal species. We are at our best, and indeed at our worst, when we act as a unit. Although we may all bewail the travesties conducted on a large scale across the globe, yet these same misunderstandings obtain on a daily basis within our homes, but transpire without the deaths of thousands.
We are all threads within the same cloth - to imagine otherwise is narcissistic arrogance. In arguments over the habis or our partners, in disputes over the words and actions of our mates, or arguments over managing our children, we recapitulate the wars that ravage the planet. None can wash their hands of the ills of our species.
Yet within this holocaust of individual and tribal conflict are the seeds of understanding that surpasses individual interest and whispers compromise.